I am a scientist. Or at least, in Autumn semester next year, assuming I pass these last few exams, I'll graduate, and I then I will be. It's kind of weird to say that, because I was never one of those little kids that said 'when I grow up, I want to be a scientist' (it was more like, 'when I grow up, I want to be a singer' - that was before I realised I was tone deaf lol). As a kid I always thought of scientists as being insanely, unrealistically smart - almost to an unobtainable level for us average Joes.
In high school when people would ask what I wanted to be, I told them I didn't know. I loved art and fashion and photography and english and poetry, and while I always excelled at science, I would only ever say, 'I'm going to be a scientist!' in jest. Having Asian parents & having done relatively well at school, I was, of course, expected to go into medicine. I was hell-bent against doing medicine and so didn't sit the UMAT, nor did I apply for medicine after I finished year 12. I wanted to do business. Dad said no. I rebelled...by applying for medical science lol. Yeah, I'm bad ass like that.
Having almost finished my degree, I'm still not sure if I made the right decision. Employment prospects are low unless you've got years of experience or are willing to move interstate. And furthermore, working in a lab wouldn't exactly let me make the most of my extensive wardrobe (labcoats and non-slip, enclosed leather shoes every day would seriously cramp my style, literally). But, as cool as this makes me sound, I love it. I find neurons and neurotransmitters and neurology and enzymes and (other) proteins (because enzymes are proteins, duhhh) and bacteria and yeasts and fungi and microbiology in general, and well, biology in general, and pharmacology and biochemistry and even physics, amazingly interesting.
As much as I complain about having to do assignments, or study, and though I could think of many more fun things to do with my time (and often, do end up doing these things instead), at the end of the day, I get a strange, nerdy kind of satisfaction from the information my brain absorbs from completing said tasks. I love being in labs and learning new techniques (which I don't normally understand all too well (thanks to my failure to attend lectures) until I have to write up the reports that I claim to hate so much but am secretly kind of thankful for because they help me to understand shit). I love to look at cells under microscopes. I love to dissect things (even though I didn't get to very often during this course - THANKS cheapo UTS human anatomy subject for killing my dreams). I love serial dilutions and assays. I love to pipette even though it makes me nervous because I have a paranoia of accidentally leaving liquid in the tip or the tip falling off during transfer or breaking those crazy-expensive micro pipettes. I get an odd thrill and exhilaration out of filling the wells of an agarose gel. I'm strange, I know.
Anyway, the point is, I'm a scientist.
Lol, I'm sorry about the randomness of this blog. I know this isn't my usual. But I was getting somewhere with all of this. When I was a little younger I wanted to do business. I wanted to be a business woman. Part of me still wants to be. I mean, my amateur eBay business would have me believe that I would be good at the whole marketing and sales and profiting thing. Lol, I know it's not all that easy. I'm not that naive. But on a sort of childish, superficial level, I think part of the appeal of being a businesswoman to me is the whole getting-to-play-dress-ups, every day. I love how sleek and sophisticated corporate/work attire is. Pencil skirts and high waist trousers and pretty blouses and clean-cut power suits, and round-toe pumps, and just the right amount of mascara and lipstick. I love it all. And in science, unless I manage to somehow miraculously land a corporate job with some big pharmaceutical/scientific company (which I wouldn't really want anyway, because that'd take me away from the lab work that gives science it's appeal, at least in my eyes) I'm not going to get to play dress ups all too often.
Yesterday, I had an interview - one that could determine what I'd be doing for the rest of my life (I'll let you know what it was for at a later date if I'm successful. If not don't ask me about it, that's just asking for awkwardness lol). In retrospect I probably should have spent less time planning my outfit, and more time prepping for the actual interview. But hey, I won't have many opportunities to wear these sorts of outfits okay, give me a break okay?! lol (P.S. it was a bloody scorcher yesterday, so all that time getting dressed and doing my hair was pretty useless. By the time I got to the interview, my hair was a mess, and my face was all shiny, and my blouse was stuck to my back, with a massive sweat patch. It was pretty gross. Fingers crossed that the interviewers found my sweaty, shaky, blabbering nervousness charming. Yeek, not sounding too promising lol)